Lately
by knightdawndelight
Summary: Kirsten is in Rehab,Seth isn't talking,Sandy is at his wits end and Ryan is playing soccer to relieve tension. It's going to take an incident at soccer practice to make Sandy realize what's happening. Oneshot rated for langauge.


Lately

"What the hell were you thinking?" The voice sounded as soon as the door opened and then closed, Ryan winced from his seat.

"I can't believe this is happening Ryan. After everything that happened think of all that could happen now."

Ryan didn't even bother to open his mouth to speak. It was a waste of time. Sandy could go on and on for ages if he wanted to. He never actually had done but Ryan knew he could.

"Your coach is threatening to kick you off the team and right now I have no idea what to do to calm him down. You're behaviour is no where near acceptable."

Ryan stared gingerly at the ground, his palms flat on his lap. He couldn't bear to look up and see the disappointment and anger in Sandy's eyes.

He knew he had done wrong, he knew it as soon as he had thrown the first punch. But it still felt good.

The feeling you had when you thumped a soccer ball, the noise of satisfaction it made. The same as when he felt his knuckle smash into a cheekbone. The crack he heard only made him yearn for more and his anger had grown. He hadn't done this in a long time.

"Ryan you have to talk to me because I have no idea what actually happened. Tell me your side of the story?"

Sandy's voice was quieter now, the words placed perfectly one after the other.

Ryan kept his eyes on the tiled floor as he told the story.

_He had been feeling strange as soon as he turned up to practice. There was a knot in his stomach and he couldn't undo it._

_It was the same feeling he had when he had turned up at Trey's flat. Pissed, wound up and grievous. The same knot in his stomach._

_The knot had lessened over time but it came back sometimes; when he listened to Sandy talk on the phone to Kirsten, when Seth stared at nothing for ages on end saying nothing and whenever he saw Marissa._

_The knot came back unsuspected and Ryan felt it like a punch in the stomach._

_The sun was only just beginning to go down but the colours it left the school field in were wondrous. He could see the rest of the team waiting for him by the goal posts, their shadows lengthening. He jogged over carrying his water bottle and boot bag._

"_Atwood you're late." The coach yelled and then, being a man of few words, began the usual ritual jog around the pitch with the team following._

_Ryan stayed to the back getting into his own rhythm while wondering what had spiked the return of his knot. _

_His knot he thought with a half smile._

_By the time they had run around Ryan was at the front of the group. He was good at pacing himself, it was all about finding a pattern and keeping to it. He found it very calming placing one foot in front of the other perfectly in time._

_The knot had lessened._

_By the end of the first half an hour he had grown a sweat. Only slightly though, his forehead just glistened._

_The coach kept the 15 boys on the balls of their feet the entire time. Making them run short bursts every now and again. Spreading them out in partners and passing the ball using different techniques._

_Making them dribble the ball between the cones and then passing it back. Placing them into positions and showing them tactics then making them play them out._

_Ryan was picked out to practice corners, free kicks and penalties. He had a good boot on him and his accuracy was faultless. He had practiced a lot while he was in Chino and the gift had stayed with him through to now._

_After their hour and a half was up the coach split the boys into two teams of 7 and 8 and got them to play against one another._

_Ryan was on the winning team and mainly because of him. He had played a perfect ball into the box from a corner and Rob headed it in. Then Ryan had a fantastic run up the left wing playing it past four defenders and scoring a goal in the top right corner with his left foot._

_After Luke had left Ryan stopped playing soccer, the guys didn't welcome him much and his second year at Harbor was much more strenuous. He didn't have time._

_But his third and final year, senior year, was becoming more then just stress. They were tested almost every week on most of the subjects Ryan took and between Trey, Seth, Sandy and then Kirsten's non-existent life at the house he needed more then just a punching bag to take out his tension on. _

_He rejoined the soccer team, didn't bother trying to make friends, turned up to the practices, played the games and left it at that._

_The coach was only going to be gone for 5 minutes to make an important phone call but within a minute trouble with a capital T was starting up and Ryan was at the centre of it._

_It was a dodgy tackle he had to say but at the time he hadn't known what else to do, and he wasn't exactly thinking. He never thought during soccer, he only reacted. It was all about instinct for him._

_Kevin had the ball and was fast. Faster then Ryan and in front of Ryan but by only half a meter._

_Ryan slid to the ground, aiming his feet at the ball but instead crunched into the back of the Kevin's legs. He had come in from an angle but could still be seen from behind._

_Shouts erupted from all over the pitch especially from Kevin's team but none of Ryan's bothered defending him, they knew he had done wrong but more then that they didn't care what happened to Ryan._

"_What the fuck do you think you were doing you idiot!" Someone shouted from behind Ryan as he stood and they shoved him in the back._

"_Man I'm sorry I didn't mean for that to happen, it's totally my fault." Ryan said walking over to help Kevin up._

_Kevin didn't want it though and stumbled to his feet pushing Ryan away while trying to nurse his sore ankle. It was already beginning to bruise and swell. Ryan knew he had hit it really bad but didn't realize he had actually caused it to do this._

"_Of course it's your fault you fuck." The entire team was surrounding them both now and Ryan could clearly see where this was going._

_It was a face off between him and Kevin, the guys wanted it badly like a pack of blood hungry wolves. They wanted revenge._

_Kevin stood on his feet gingerly and rolled it around a bit. He was wincing in pain but Ryan didn't bother trying to help, a punch would probably be thrown for trying to get near him._

"_Atwood what the fuck?"_

_Ryan ignored everyone and turned to try and leave. He didn't want to cause anymore trouble. _

_He turned only to face though faces of people not about to let him through. They leered at him angrily and their eyes gleamed._

"_Give him something Kevin." A voice called out and he was roughly turned around to face a revenge hungry Kevin. _

_The knot in Ryan's stomach tightened and then he heard words being shouted into the air from directly behind him._

"_Do any of you guys remember that casino night we had a few years ago when fucking Atwood first showed up here." _

_The guys looked at each other confused, obviously none of them remembered._

"_Well I do," the guy said obviously picking up on their puzzlement. "I remember Atwood's real mother getting drunk as hell and bumping accidentally into some waiter."_

_The speaker paused for effect and Ryan didn't bother turning around to know who it was._

_A kid called Dean had had it in for him since he had first arrived. Picking up from where Luke had left off he constantly tried to drag Ryan down but Ryan had ignored him tactfully. _

_Ryan had left for Chino that summer and when he returned Dean didn't care anymore. He had probably found someone else to hassle._

"_I bet she was looking for some money, thought she'd give the waiter something he hadn't had for a long time, give him something he needed and then fuck off. She had enough of Atwood here."_

_The guys sniggered and Ryan stared at the sky ignoring his anger, the knot and his clenched and ready fists. He wasn't going to pick up on the bait._

"_I bet that's what happened to your latest mum, hey Atwood?" _

_Ryan knew who he was talking about and he couldn't stand it. His fists tightened, the knot in his stomach tightened, his anger tightened._

_He swung around his fist hitting someone on the cheek, he didn't care right now who. A crack filled the air and then suddenly it was all out war._

_Ryan felt a knee hit his chest and it hurt. _

_He wasn't seeing anything anymore, he was blind except to see where to hit something fleshy. Where to hurt someone._

_Abruptly though it all stopped and Ryan found himself standing over someone. He was shaking with pent up rage and fury. His fists hurt as did his face and torso. He was going to be a mass of bruises in the morning._

"_Atwood," a cold voice rang out, twice it had addressed him that day. "Come with me, and you Dean."_

Ryan didn't need to explain the next part, it was pretty clear what had happened.

"So…I guess I wasn't really thinking at all." Ryan finished off with an answer to Sandy's first question.

Sandy moved closer to him, their knees touching. Ryan's hands lay clasped in his lap now, his nails digging into his broken skin.

"Thank you Ryan." Sandy said placing a hand on Ryan's shoulder and Ryan looked up surprised and shocked. He didn't see why he was being thanked for this trouble he had landed himself in.

"What…why?"

"You just explained exactly to me what happened from your point of view and gave me a very in depth look into Ryan Atwood's mind."

Ryan shifted uncomfortable and he felt suddenly very vulnerable and open.

"But kid unfortunately that isn't going to get you out of trouble." Sandy paused looking deep into Ryan's eyes though Ryan averted his.

"You have been suspended for the rest of the week but you will be receiving more then that me. We will talk about when we get back okay?"

Ryan nodded and understood.

"Okay, I've been given leave to take you home but before we do, do any of your injuries need a doctor? And Ryan answer truthfully."

Ryan stood up stretching and felt himself over. His ribs hurt a bit but they were definitely no more then bruised. He knew he was fine.

"I'm fine Sandy, we can go home now."

Sandy smiled and nodded and they left the room quietly. They didn't see the coach or Dean.

The car drive was basically silent and Ryan decided to speak up. He felt he should at least say something.

"I'm sorry," he began. "I'm sorry I did this. I didn't try to make it happen but really it did all begin because of me."

Sandy was silent and Ryan took this as a sign to carry on. He didn't really particularly want to but it was something he had to do.

"I'm not sure why I pulled that stupid stunt in practice…I just wanted to win the ball and stuff…"

He was becoming at loss for words.

"…but then when Dean started going on about Dawn…and…Kirsten I could have held on and just walked away but I didn't. I felt like I should do something…I think…"

Ryan was looking at Sandy all the time now, waiting for him to say something. Nothing came so he carried on.

"…but then maybe I wanted to fight. I go to soccer to relieve stress so maybe I was doing the same thing…just fighting."

"It was like the night I went to Trey's…after I found out. I was so angry and…um emotional I just wanted to hurt him so much…I wanted to kill him."

The car stopped.

"I'm sorry Sandy…I shouldn't be saying this…I'm sorry."

Sandy's hand lay open his leg. A gesture of warmth and support. Ryan stopped trying to get his seatbelt undone and looked up meeting eyes.

"Kid you've got to slow down. I've never heard you say so much in my life left alone all of this straight from the heart. But really it's okay."

"I would have maybe understood before everything but now, after everything, I understand even more."

Ryan was hardly breathing, his eyes gleamed in the car lights flashing by. It was so dark and so bright at the same time.

"I think we haven't been dealing with everything properly. With Kirsten in rehab for so long I haven't been thinking or acting properly and I need to make that up to you. You and Seth."

"I want everything to be normal again." Ryan whispered. "I want Kirsten to come home and try to cook again, I want Seth to talk like he used to and I want you to…well be you."

"I know kid, I know."

They pulled each other into a hug. The car lights flashed by and Ryan opened his eyes to watch them over Sandy's shoulder, unshed tears glistened but he didn't let them go. He didn't need to cry because he wasn't sad.

Everything was going to be dealt with now, Sandy was finally going to bring their family back together again and that was all they needed.


End file.
